A Spiritual Journal

I began this as a spiritual journal in November 2019, although I am only recording it online in December. I intended to do it every day, but besides the usual absences, I was also ill, struck down by a virus, for two weeks. So this entry represents the start of the process of writing up, with the minimum of alterations, my ruminations on God and Beauty.

It was suggested by my spiritual director, as a practice, which might help me in my discernment, and increase my awareness of the Spirit's presence in my life as a whole, as a daily reality. Here are some of the comments from my spiritual director, as I remember, and reflect on, them, from our session in November.

I need to reflect on my sense of call as Pastor of Kings Cross Baptist Church. It is still as real as when I began, four or five years ago. But the shape is changing. However, am I in a place where I can even ask the question? Let alone hear the answer? Sometimes I am not in that space, because of depression. When the 'noise' is too big, spiritual discernment is impossibe, because depression covers over everything.

So I need to get into shape, in order to do the work of discernment; being able to sit with the question. Is the call still there? What form does it take today? It's hard to break the ties; but it's also freedom, because I do desire to do God's will. What would it take, therefore, for me to get into shape to do spiritual discernment? Physically, this could be done, for example, through walking regularly. Though I also do cycle regularly through the city.

Spiritually, it could be done through Beauty. This is another way of attending to the Holy, to the sacred. I have a background in Scripture, which I need to maintain; but there are other resources as well - writing, reflecting, thinking, reading - finding beauty in different places than where many people find it. These are things which shake up, to become more permanent.

So, I am to keep a Journal of Attention, for ten minutes a day; writing about what I've noticed that speaks of Beauty and God. What do I see of Beauty and God? Beauty as a way in to God? This will help me to get more attuned to the Spirit of God. It's a  sympathetic invitation, from him, to tune my senses, my spirit, to see, in all things, what God wants, to feel free; a way of tuning in to the things around me.

For these are, according to my spiritual director, the 'Wisdom Years' during ministry - when we are here to offer, to raise up others, to reveal what others can do. Although this is hard on our ego, which still wants to be the centre. These ten minutes are here to remind of what I am attending to.